Palling ‘Round with God
Player Perspective
My comrade Biggs is dead, the vodka is gone and I’m running through the field trying to resurrect my wounded fool of a friend. Now my other chum Wedge decides to move through the holy field, once a palace like field that encompassed all in the area with an aura that shined upon the towers and statues built to worship the relationship between Man and God are now almost rubble, and the shine that once was is replaced with a haze that creeps over the land.
As Wedge approaches his waypoint to report back to his teammates, he looks back to see his path became enshrined in a holy aura. With wide eyes and excitement Wedge sends word that the treasure was just stepped over and that it was time to rally and make a break for the treasure. Thunder struck the sky and the winds howled, God was near and it was evident he wasn’t just observing. It was a sure bet that God was reigning in the troops to protect the treasure, but it would still be a heavy gamble to try and revive Biggs and make our team whole again. God had commanded and his army obeyed, the field is fresh with monsters and I hesitate to move toward the direction of the treasure without my wounded friend beside me. I shake my oracle ball and ask what I will see in my near future, but all lady luck tells me is that I’m not long for earth. I mutter something about manifest destiny to the useless prophet and toss the ball off the nearest cliff.
Surprised that the fates could piss me off even more, I run out to save my fallen comrade. BAM! An ugly Jabberwocky ambushes me and tries to take off my head with his giant claws but only manages to make contact with my shield and knock me into the broken marble floors of a worn away temple. My back is killing me but my pride is what was really wounded, I play dead and wait for the beast to close in, Jabberwockys are so easy to fool. As soon as he is in range I sweep low with my sword and take his front legs completely off and I scramble ahead trying not to get caught in the fall. Before I have the chance to finish him off, the Jabberwocky cries out an awful shriek that dizzies me. I try to run and continue on to Biggs but I don’t get far before the Jabberwocky reinforcement responded to the cries of his friend, who knows what other monsters heard the call.
I turn and run up a flight of stairs that don’t lead to anywhere to try and get some high ground; the pain in my ass follows and leaves a trail of burnt dust in his rage for revenge. When the Jabberwocky sees me at the top of the stairs he charges like a bull toward me and I use whatever luck I had left to dodge and let his weight collapse the staircase.
Biggs cusses at me when I approach him, something about taking my sweet time. I punch him in the mouth as I patch him up, don’t need him to talk just fight. By the time Biggs gained his strength Wedge had already been trolling the aura filled passageway always ready to find the treasure with no risk too great, meaning his comrade’s lives. Wedge continued to run through the field block after block scanning the area sans protocol, until he bit off more than he could chew and a monster big enough to wreck a train blindsided him and threw him into a hard marble wall. Great, even before Biggs’s painkillers kick in Wedge is already out of commission because he can’t follow protocol and check in, always a loose cannon.
Biggs runs ahead of me to cut off the monster’s descent upon Wedge and manages to cause the ground behind him to uproot like a damn earthquake. A light even stronger than the aura permeates the space around the earthquake and blinds everything in sight before Biggs could turn around to see what happened. Thank Bill Cosby! The treasure had been located and fully revealed and the strategy had changed, Biggs wasn’t trying to keep the horde from reaching Wedge, now he was playing king of the hill with the horde yelling at me to get to the treasure while he was still conscious.
We had to leave Wedge as a lost cause not because he would have done the same to us in a heartbeat, but that was protocol when the treasure was uprooted and in jeopardy. Our odds of getting to our fallen comrade and getting the treasure are lower than if we made a break for it with only two men standing, we all knew what had to be done. I understood why as I dominated through the passage to the treasure, The look on Biggs’s face holding back the horde was beyond despair, there were more monsters in all directions getting closer and he couldn’t hold them all off.
With God’s army on my back I haul ass to the treasure, but instead get introduced to a one-winged angel knocking me off the uprooted land. I wake up and it’s begun to storm and my reaction is to stop the dagger from being inserted into my face, I must have slept through the boring parts. Lady luck must have changed sides as I maneuver my leg to the angel’s side and use the leverage to kick him off of me. The rain picks up and we stand up and face each other, round two reminds me too much of Lethal Weapon so I shake it off and taunt my opponent by calling him a traitor(Satan). The angel laughs and lunges at me with his wing, the wind speed causing me to lose balance and gives the angel a chance to slice open my side. The blood stains the wet ground and the angel is laughing at me again but I’m laughing harder, at God. Lightning cracks and the one-winged beast falls to pieces, his head rolls toward me and gives me a confused look while I wipe the blood off of my sword.
I hear Biggs cry out as I limp up the torn earth to the treasure, which makes me fight even harder to stay awake. I don’t know if it’s the blood loss or the treasure, but the closer I get makes everything surrounding the treasure fadeout of view. I approach the treasure and start to grab the orb that is hovering above the ground. When I hold the orb in my hand it glows and the glowing covers my body and heals my wounds, before I can reach for my victory cigar my body tingles and I am transported to the heavens. Looks like Heavens got a brand new God…now where do I hide this orb?
